Professor Bainbridge...on law, politics, religion, culture & food

Presidential Politics Transposed to the Dungeon and Dragons Universe

Charles Stross offers up a Dungeons and Dragons manual perspective on the three remaining major candidates. I’ll omit the attributes, which are worth going over there to read:

John McCain (Demon Prince of Republicans.) (Lesser God.): ... A huge, ancient, carnivorous dinosaur from the swamps at the heart of Republican country, not unlike Godzilla in appearance and wrinkled integument, McCain has seen better years. Nevertheless he can breathe fire and threaten to stomp flat the capital city of any country that Fox News disapproves of with the best of them.

The biggest danger in facing off against a McCain is that he might be under the mind control of the Svengali-like Cheney, Prince of Darkness. In this case, he is likely to be lethally aggressive and even more unpredictable than usual.

Hilary Clinton (Demon Queen of Pork Belly Futures.) (Lesser Goddess.): As with all Clintons, Hillary exudes negative charisma towards Republicans. Otherwise, she’s a classic machine reptile.

Barack Obama (Demon Prince of Upsetting Applecarts.) (Lesser God.): Handsome, intelligent, charismatic, and he manages to sound absolutely wonderful ... but how do you know what else is lurking under that sleek exterior? The Obama’s main advantage in combat is that he makes everyone else in the melee look absurdly aggressive or foolishly short-sighted, sapping their Charisma. Probably the lesser evil, so once you elect him you’ll have the luxury of knowing you’ve been eaten by the right lizard god.

Amusing. But for a take based in the actual D&D universe, here’s mine:

• John McCain = Heironeous, god of chivalry, justice, honor, war, daring, and valor


• Barack Obama = Saint Cuthbert, god of common sense, wisdom, zeal, honesty, truth, and discipline


• Hillary Clinton = Tiamat, intermediate goddess of evil dragons, conquest, greed and cruelty