Professor Bainbridge...on law, politics, religion, culture & food
The Shocking Truth about Barack Obama
After several minutes of applying my immense deductive reasoning powers to the problem of Barack Obama, aided by a tasty cigar and a fine old Madeira, I have come to a shocking realization, which I am now prepared to share with you, my faithful readers.
We all know, of course, that Senator Obama is a secret Muslim. The evidence is conclusive. To wit, Obama’s father was an African Muslim from Kenya. Obama’s stepfather, Lolo Soetoro, was an Indonesian Muslim. As a youth, Obama was educated in a Wahabi madrassa in Jakarta Indonesia. Consider that many members of al-Qaeda and the Taliban were also educated in Wahabi madrassas!
This abundant circumstantial evidence was confirmed by Obama himself in the now famous Stephanopoulos interview slip of the tongue:
All this seemed reasonably clear and settled until it was discovered this week that Barack Obama during the 1990s was a member of the openly socialist New Party. Indeed, it now appears that when Obama first ran for office as a Democrat, he was in fact a New Party plant.
The evidence that Obama is a socialist now seems as solid as the evidence that he is a Muslim. Yet, upon reflection, this is a puzzling contradiction. After all, communist countries such as China and the old Soviet Union have been at odds with radical Islam. In addition, Osama bin Laden famously condemned secular Islamic socialists as infidels. How then could Obama be both a radical Muslim and a radical socialist at the same time?
Here is where my powers of deduction made the logical leap to a shocking revelation. What organization combines Islam, socialism, and Arabism? The answer, of course, is the Baath Party. Where was the Baath Party most powerful? In Saddam Hussein’s Iraq. Following the lead of Egyptian President Nasser, Hussein adopted centralized planning and state-controlled socialism as the basis of his economic policy. Indeed, he consistently promised the Iraqi people that he would not “deviate from the path of socialism either now or in the future.” At the same time, Hussein denied that the Baath Party was opposed to religion. Instead, he claimed that it “derived its spirit from heaven.” Hussein argued consistently that Islam and Arab nationalism were indivisible and that any attempt to separate the two therefore could only be the work of Western imperialists. Indeed, Hussein regularly claimed that he embodied the unity of Islam and Arab socialism by virtue of being a direct descendent of the Prophet Mohammed.
We now know that Stalin was one of Saddam Hussein’s chief political models. We also knew, of course, that Stalin firmly believed in planting moles within potential enemies. Alger Hiss, the Rosenbergs, and the like spring to mind as examples. In this, as in so much else, one suspects Hussein followed Stalin’s model.
The answer was now obvious. Barack Obama was a mole planted in American political elites by Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi Special Security Organization. No wonder he opposed Gulf Wars I and II! Obviously, he was doing the bidding of his spymasters back in Baghdad.
Need more proof? What’s Obama’s middle name? Hussein! QED
The pieces all fell into place.
Of course, his boss Saddam Hussein is now worm food. The pressing question of the hour thus is who does Obama work for now?
Very funny stuff.
The scary coda is the number of people that would think you are being serious.
Title of post should have been
“The Iraqian Candidate”
Very funny
I suspect this will be on Fox tonight - and not as parody.
"The pressing question of the hour thus is who does Obama work for now? “
Who we all work for and you do even if you don’t think so.
The Rockfellers.
He works for the chinless, boy dictator Assad of Syria.
Also a member of the Baath Party, Assad has been on the receiving end of ring-kissing photo-ops with promiment democrats (Pelosi recently, Rockefeller to warn about the pending Iraq invasion).
"The pressing question of the hour thus is who does Obama work for now?“
Cute, but actually the correct question for Obama, as it’s been traditionally asked in Chicago, is “Who sent you?”
Funny thing, Obama never has directly answered this inquiry to the satisfaction of all. If he did come clean, we’d likely be surprised and horrified.
You really make a fool of yourself here. The premise is that only a fool or a loon could think Barry is a muslim, yet by the facts (and facts they are) with which you begin tell you or anyone who knows anything about Islam that Barry is a muslim in the eyes of any mainstream muslim or he is an apostate or, as you of course know very well, he may be engaged in a strategic deception that is in the interests of the umma. These are the only three possibilities to our muslim allies and enemies and as any educated person would, you know it. I don’t pretend to know the man’s heart or mind nor do I much care, being a secular person. It might be beneficial to have a Muslim President, who knows? What is not beneficial is to have someone about whom we know nearly nothing in that office.
There are people in Gitmo and on death row who were convicted and held on less circumstantial evidence than yours.
Obama is whatever he needs to be to get elected. In Chicago, he sucked up to Wright, Rezko, Ayers, and whoever else he had to...so whether you believe he is a Muslim or a Socialist, the question is, just what the hell does Obama believe? He is either very cynical and self serving or he is the radical he is portrayed to be.
Sam: You are a clearly a prophet, with an uncanny ability to see 2 hours and 50 minutes into the future.
"The pressing question of the hour thus is who does Obama work for now?”
George Soros, who has been distributing millions to Obama via phony “$200 donations”.
It would be hilarious if some folks out there weren’t going to try and use exactly this line of illogic to discount anything dug up on Barry before the election.
But if he was really bright enough to fool all those little ‘c’ communists and maoists he was hanging out with into thinking he was ‘one of them’, when he really wasn’t, kinda makes you wonder about the uber-snow job he’s running on the rest of the country.
Correct as far as you go, Professor Bainbridge, but you didn’t go far enough.
Has it ever occurred to you that Barack Obama and Saddam Hussein might be the same person? Have you ever seen them photographed together? (I’ve seen them photoshopped together, but we all know that’s not the same thing.)
From there, of course, it is a simple conclusion that the Saddam Hussein hanged in Baghdad was not the real Saddam Hussein. It was a double, covering for the real Saddam, who had to rush back to the United States to vote for a Senate appropriations bill.
This also explains Obama’s puzzling reactions when McCain asked why he’d never gone to visit Iraq. He couldn’t just say, “I grew up in Iraq, you silly twit!”, could he?
You want evidence? If Barack Obama is really Saddam Hussein in disguise, he’d go to any lengths to hide this information—and thus he’d strongly discourage use of his middle name. Q.E.D.
Tune in next week, for shocking revelations on who Hillary Clinton really is…
Ridicule, in the right hands, can be a powerful rhetorical tool. Unfortunately, the evidence above shows you are probably not The One who can pull it off. Would you like to try again, this time ignoring the Muslim tomfoolery and starting with the “Obama is a secret socialist” premise? Let’s see how that works out for you. Ready? Begin.
How many glasses of wine did that take? Because I am going to stop at the wine merchant and get some.
Why can’t the Republicans nominate someone sane like Prof. Bainbridge? Wouldn’t it be awesome to see him debating Obama?
I always thought that “my Muslim faith” flub was weird. I was raised a Catholic, but I’m pretty far removed from the church at the moment. I also spend a lot of time with Jews, sometimes discussing Judaism and a lot of time with Buddhists or discussing Buddhism. Yet I have never ever accidentally referred to my Buddhist faith or my Jewish faith. I can’t even imagine doing that.
There’s something very strange and unsettling about Obama; like his 57 states remark, he makes the kind of mistakes you just don’t make, I don’t care how tired you are.
It makes me wonder, who is the real Barack Obama? or is there a real Barack Obama?
BTW, so far as I can see, the New Party accusation hasn’t panned out yet, but the evidence for it is greater and of a fundamentally different kind than the Muslim evidence. Conflating the two seems a little silly.
Your reasoning is brilliant, the conclusion irrefutable. Might I impose upon you for a photograph of yourself? I know the website has one, but I’d need at least 12x18 in 300 dpi. It’ll be on the front page, so it has to be good quality.
D. T. Hardy
Editor in chief
National Inquirer
JackIsBack? Do you have any references, links or any credible evidence to back up that assertion? I’ve heard a lot of words, but never any proof, and I’m wondering if it exists. Thanks.
It’s a well known fact that, when playing poker with his Illinois State Legislature cronies, he insisted on substituting the joker for the Queen of Diamonds.
When asked about this quirk, Rep. John Doe said “Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.”
It’s all true. Commie, muslim, Baathist, rabid anti-American, and the next president of this formerly great country. More’s the pity…
LOL, Homeboy, I wondered if JackisBack had any credible evidence, myself. Repeating what Obama, Madonna (the old singer not the Virgin Mary) or Michael Moore might say is not really proof in the real world. Oh but that we could be fooled by their delusion, too, and be content.
When Obama’s brown shirts come for you show them this. They might take pity on you but I doubt it.
Who? Bill Ayers.
OK, I recognize sarcasm when I see it, and you have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Obama is not a muslim extemist. What you have not proved is that he is not an extremist in general. My impression is that he is a doctrinaire socialist, who if given the chance would wipe out the free market in America. Wanna take a shot at that? Feel free.
Take it from a “cafeteria” Catholic, I don’t see why someone can’t be a cafeteria Muslim with a penchant for socialist red jello.
I understand the attempt at parody. But Obama is a socialist and was raised as a Muslim as a young child. He may consider himself a Christian, as far as you can call the vile philosophy black liberation theology Christian, as taught Obama by the detestable Rev. Wright, but because his father was Muslim, Muslims recognize him as being Muslim.
Making light of these facts does America no service at all.
He is a disaster.
Lee:
Unfortunately what passes for “reporting” on NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, etc, is not parody.
"Why can’t the Republicans nominate someone sane like Prof. Bainbridge? Wouldn’t it be awesome to see him debating Obama?”
And the debate would be in a set much like the opening scene of Masterpiece Theater. PB in a drawing room robe, with a glass or wine or perhaps some fine brandy in a snifter, followed by a fine cigar. He would insist Obama partake. He would also insist no politics be discussed until the wine and cigar were enjoyed, and then the rhetorical fireworks would start.
Speaking of middle names, how many times have you heard someone exclaim “Jesus H. Christ!”. Ever wonder what the H stood for? Could it be the same as Obama’s middle name?
Bravo. lol
I love a good howl!!!
Whatever Body Odor is, no one knows and everybody’s asking.
I’m just wondering if the Odors ever befriended any nice Avon ladies or Methodist sunday school teachers. I mean, even accidentally.
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What was the line Carey Elwes said to Wallace Shawn in “The Princess Bride”, after a similar bout of deduction? “Truly you have a dizzying intellect”, or words to that effect.